What do you want to Know-ing?

You know what majority of film critcis are like? High school students. They all want to be respected and appreciated in their own right but none of them want to stand out from the masses. Instead, majority of them agree and disagree together, always wanting to fit in amongst the others. Of course this is a broad generalisation, it's like saying all black people love Obama or all women love Sex and the City when that is simply not true. Therefore I don't understand why majority of critics are quick to condemn Nicholas Cage films without judging them properly. In the weeks leading up to the release of his latest movie, Knowing, all I heard from online bloggers and critics was how this is going to be another schlocker, Cage is such a joke and wo' is me the reviewer for having to sit through a re-hash of Next. Therefore, you could imagine my suprise when ABC icon David Stratton called Knowing a "contemporary sci-fi classic" last Wednesday on At The Movies. Entertainment poster-boy Richard Wilkins went on to give an equally glowing review and so, along I trotted on Saturday evening to judge for myself.
And judge I did.
It’s rare that you can go to the movies today and be genuinely surprised by a film. Well, Knowing is one of those rare films that fools you in to thinking you are heading in one direction when in reality you are spiralling off in the opposite path. It’s beautifully executed by visionary Australian director Alex Proyas who is behind such films as The Crow (personal favourite), DarkCity and I Robot (but don’t hold that against him). The entire film was shot in Melbourne and the utterly breathtaking special-effects were all done in Australian and New Zealand. Unlike many a Cage film, the mouth-dropping effects don’t draw away from what is essentially a very well acted and packaged film. It’s not a light, fun, flighty, chunk of entertainment with the happy ending you might expect from the poorly done reviews.
The concept, oh the concept. The brilliance behind the concept of and how superbly such ideas were presented makes me tend to side with Davo Stratton on this one, Knowing will indeed be looked back upon as a "contemporary sci-fi classic".

Shameless product placement 101

At the moment I'm off work sick while the crazy men in white coats contemplate the future of my beloved tonsils. Hence, I thought I'd throw together a brief list of the worst product placement I have seen in movies recently. For those young grasshoppers who don't tune in to The Gruen Transfer regularly or know what product placement is, basically it's when an advertiser pays to have a product placed in a movie. Sometimes this is done discreetly or tactfully, other times the placement is as shameless as Britney Spears after two Bloody Mary's. Here are some of the worst:

Evolution (2001)

The plot of this movie is pretty basic; some aliens invade earth and a rag-tag group of academics have to find a way to stop them (in comedic fashion, of course). What kills the extra terrestrials you ask? The chemical selenium sulfide which is one of the key ingredients in Head & Shoulders anti-dandruff shampoo. After this revelation the rest of the movie is made up of the main characters gathering as much Head & Shoulders as they can and firing it at the aliens to, you guessed it, save the world. I feel the word shameless is a gross understatement here because when the crux of a movie is based around a particular product which ends up saving the day . . . well, shameless doesn't even begin to cover it.

Every Michael Bay film ever made

You don't need three guesses to work out where Bayhem gets the money for his special effects budget. Seriously, just watch any of his films ever and afterwards you'll be fighting the urge to buy buy buy. Standouts in his shameless product placement filmography would have to be Transformers and The Island.

Casino Royale (2006)

Bond films are known for their product placement and it has become an accepted part of the franchise, just like tuxedos and vadge. But the following lines of dialogue were too shameless to leave out. Note: clever product placement disguised as witty banter, oh really Mr Bond.

Vesper: Oh, you are? I like this poker thing. And that makes perfect sense! Since MI6 looks for maladjusted young men, who give little thought to sacrificing others in order to protect queen and country. You know... former SAS types with easy smiles and expensive watches.
[Glances at his wrist]
Vesper: Rolex?
James Bond: Omega.

Vesper: Beautiful.

Blade Trinity (2004)

One of the most ridiculous examples of shameless product placement ever, yes, even worse than Head & Shoulders being used to save the world. The third film from the Blade franchise basically plays like a two-hour ipod ad. There's actually an exchange where one character explains to Blade how a female vampire slayer likes to listen to her ipod when she hunts. Plus there's a scene where you see her putting together her `hunting playlist'. Forget being able to actually hear your enemies coming or making sure all your senses are focussed on the battle ahead, as long as you can listen to the Nine Inch Nails while slaying a few vamps, it's all good. Ridiculous.

Come on down to Chinatown

China may be lacking in the democracy department but they’ve got fine film directors coming out their ears. Don’t believe me? Well, then I suggest you judge their excellence for yourself at the Gallery of Modern Art (GoMA) in Brisvegas. As soon as they wrap up the Be Afraid north-American horror cinema screenings at the Australian Cinematheque, to coincide with The China Project exhibition at GoMA the next program is called Three Chinese Directors: Xie Jin, Zhang Yimou, Jia Zhang-ke. The screenings go for a month from March 28 to June 28 and profile the work of three extremely influential and hugely successful contemporary Chinese directors. Personally I think the highlight of the program will be 24 City from 2008 which is the latest from internationally acclaimed sixth-generation director Jia Zhang-ke. Some of the other films being shown are the epic tales Hero, Raise the Red Lantern and 1965 classic Strange Sisters.

In complete contrast there’s a more mainstream program on from May 31 to September 20 called The Age of Innocence: Hollywood on the Hudson. It’s a two-part film program reflecting life on the American East Coast over the turn of the twentieth century. For the gangsta’s out there a special event screening of The Godfather and The Godfather II (restored by director Francis Ford Coppola) is sure to tickle your fancy. Now, as great as these programs sound, I can’t help but ask the question why aren’t there more Aussie programs? After all, it’s the `Australian Cinematheque' so perhaps they should try looking and supporting Australian cinema, instead of featuring China, America and north-American horror. Don’t get me wrong, it’s awesome to learn about different facets of international cinema but there are fascinating elements and genres throughout the history of Aussie cinema which could be tied together perfectly for a program. How about examining Ozploitation cinema of the 70s and 80s? Or Australian horror films? Australian comedies? Three Australian directors? Great Australian actors? For fark sake, you could even whip up an excellent program showing off the talents of Australian special-effects artists like John Cox. Get it together GoMA.
You can find out ticket prices and more info on both of these programs at the Australian Cinematheque website here.

Trashtastic cult double

Oh, John Waters, how much I love thee. The cult, kitsch, self-proclaimed dirty director (above) is one of my favourite so-bad-their-good filmmakers and not just because of his moustache. Mostly known for creating the classic Hairspray, Waters also has an extensive filmography of trashtastic, underground masterpieces spanning his 40-year career. If you have not had the fortune to see a John Waters film it's something you truly have to experience. Thankfully the Globe Theatre in Brisbane is having a double screening of his films on Thursday night. His 1972 cult hit Pink Flamingos kicks off at 7pm followed by the more recent 2004 flick, A Dirty Shame. Getting to see to Waters films back-to-back in a theatre setting is simply too good an opportunity to pass up. You can find out more information at the Globe Theatre website here. I have just one question though, why is it Waters is in every documentary about anything ever? Seriously, I want answers.

Wahlberg taking no `Prisoners' in 09

It seems Mark Wahlberg is putting in a real effort to make up for a `disappointing’ 2008. I use `disappointing’ in inverted commas because as a hardcore Wahlberg fan I was definitely not disappointed with any of his performances last year. Critics on the other hand didn’t respond as positively leading to many a Wahlberg-lashing (metaphorically, thank heavens) online. For example, check out this letter to Mark Wahlberg published on the Empire blog which asks him to make better movies in `09. Of course, critics being critics they were all quick to condemn his parts in The Happening and Max Payne but were more than willing to overlook his brilliant turn in We Own The Night which premiered at the Cannes Film Festival. Now that you have a bit of background history, it looks like Wahlberg has got a busy year ahead of him. Not only is he starring in Peter Jackson’s film adaption of The Lovely Bones (FYI the film Movie Mazzupial is most looking forward to this year) it has also been announced he will star alongside Will Ferrell in The B-Team, a action comedy about two incompetent cops. See the post February post Taking one for the team for more info. On top of this the sequel to The Italian Job, hilariously titled The Brazilian Job has a 2010 release date so he’ll be working pretty heavily on that. To throw another ingredient in his-return-to-form recipe, it as been announced Wahlberg will star in a dark thriller called Prisoners. Penned by up and comer Aaron Guzikowski, its about a Boston family-man whose 6-year-old daughter and best friend are kidnapped and then he takes matters in to his own hands by kidnapping the man he thinks is responsible. Yawn. This sounds like tired storyline which has been done again and again and again. Think Mel Gibson in Ransom, Denzel Washington in Man On Fire, Bruce Willis in Hostage and more recently Liam Neeson in Taken. This role plays right in to real life Boston boy Wahlberg’s comfort zone but the thing that interests me here is people are comparing the dark nature of the script to films such as The Silence Of The Lambs and Seven, which sounds a lot more promising than a formulaic rehash. Although Wahlberg is confirmed to star, studios are still trying to choose a director. Stay posted for more Prisoners updates.

A letter of sorts

Twilight, Twilight, Twilight. Where do I start? First off, your plagiarized content becomes a best seller creating all sorts of frenzy amongst book worms worldwide. Then you get a movie deal complete with credible director, hot, young cast and a budget smaller than Tom Cruise. Tacky special effects and mediocrity aside you become a box-office smash reducing teenage girls to squealing, blabbering, Rob Pattison-raping messes. The development of your sequels has been all anyone wants to hear about. Now, just as New Moon has begun filming and I thought all hope of you becoming a decent movie franchise is lost, Juan Antonio Bayona is announced as the most likely candidate to take on your third installment. Who is Juan Antonio Bayano you ask? Oh, just the hottest young (horror) filmmaker to come out of Spain since Fernan Gomez (with the support of Guillermo del Toro no less).  Of course, simply because The Orphanage is one of my favourite films, that doesn't mean you should put all your faith in Juan Antonio Bayano. After all, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but Drew Barrymore is one of the other directors Summit Entertainment are seriously considering for your third piece. There, there (insert self patting Twilight's shoulder as it sobs into hands). I don't want to stick the knife in, but do you know what Barrymore said when asked if she's going to direct Eclipse? "Because I'm a director now." Yes, that's a direct quote from the woman herself and with the annunciation of an eight-year-old child she has been able to some up everyones worst fears in less than five words. Being the pro-active pen pal that I am, I have included some pictures of the said directors for you to peruse. Don't be fooled Twilight, Barrymore may be easy on the eye and have plenty of sway in Hollywood, but keep in mind she brought us such `quality' films as Ever After and Never Been Kissed. Better luck with the fourth installment ay. 

(Above) Spanish horror film maker Juan Antonio Bayano, potential Eclipse director or . . .

the job could go to Drew Barrymore (below) in what would be her second feature film.

That's what friends are for

I have awesome friends. You know why? Because they send me awesome ecards like this one. Further more, they appreciate the significance of Friday the 13th to me which follows closely behind Halloween as my favorite day of the year. Christmas is a comfortable third. The fact I got to enjoy two Friday the 13th's this year gives me hope that someone out there is really listening. On the other hand, yet another shiteous remake of a classic slasher film was released yesterday (creatively titled Friday the 13th) which puts a dampener on the whole thing.

Who watches the Watchmen? I do!

Watched Watchmen yesterday (pun intended). Consensus? One of the most faithful novel to movie adaptions I've seen. The characters are spot on and the visuals are simply delicious. I could eat this film up! It's great to look at and Zack Synder has done an absolutely stellar job of making every scene look like it has been lifted straight from the pages of the graphic novel. In the film-maing process, Synder hasn't lost the apocolyptic-noir feel of the source material and the result is a comic-book movie unlike any other. The main thing fans will notice is the major adjustment to at the end of the plot which, personally, I think doesn't detract from the movie and was a smart move to make Watchmen more compatible with audiences and those unfamiliar with the graphic novel. The soundtrack is taken straight from the original comic with awesome results plus the opening credits are so, so, so clever they compact the background story perfectly. Overall Watchmen is a movie experience fans of the graphic novel and adult newbies alike will enjoy.
Warning: those easily distracted may find Dr Manhattan's swinging appendage a little, erm, distracting. Above: A quick visually summary of the sleek, flawles costuming of Watchmen's lead characters.

Be Afraid, very afraid

Plenty of people love a good horror movie and lord knows I'm one of them. Therefore you can clearly imagine the pee-inducing excitement I experienced when I heard about the Australian Cinémathèque celebration of North American horror cinema. The film festivalish type gig started last Friday night with a screening of John Carpetner's classic Halloween and I went along on Saturday night to catch the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Titled Be Afraid the collection maps 50 years of fear on screen with horror films from the postwar period onwards. Featuring slasher, splatter, science fiction, thriller and apocalyptic disaster classics there's literally something here for everyone. There's also a few Australian films thrown in the mix for shits and giggles. The program includes films presented in their original format, recent restorations and archival film prints from Australia and around the world. Tickets are pretty darn cheap and are available from the Gallery Store Modern, GoMA during opening hours and from the Australian Cinémathèque box office one hour prior to film screenings. Adult tickets are $8 or you can get a 5 movie pass for $35, concession tickets are $6 or 5 movie pass for $25. The opportunity to see some of these horror classics in a cinema again is a rare experience and one fans of the genre shouldn't miss. The Australian Cinémathèque is located at the Gallery of Modern Art (GoMA) Southbank, Brisbane. Visit their website here to see a full listing of the films which run through till March 22.

The Botticelli of the face-painting circuit

So, I'm quite the amateur artist and a friend asked me if I would do the face-painting at her kids birthday party on the weekend. I jumped at the opportunity and quickly hit up Google for some movie and pop culture related inspiration. Here is what I wanted to paint on the kids' faces:

Heath Ledger's Joker

Barry White

Kevin Rudd

A grapefruitRihanna, post Chris Brown

The Hulk

Jack Skellington

HitlerHowever, since it was a four-year-olds birthday party 20 of the 22 guests turned out like the picture below, just different colours. By some miracle I did get to do a clown on one girls face and a little boy asked for Ironman (which looked awesome, might I add).